As a marriage and family therapist, people often assume my job is to “save” relationships. That if a couple walks into my office, it’s because we’re going to work toward staying together.

And sometimes, that’s true. Many of the couples I work with come in wanting to reconnect, to understand each other better, to heal from conflict or betrayal. And we do that work—bravely, honestly, slowly.

But what isn’t talked about as often—what might surprise people—is that sometimes my job is helping a relationship end.

Not in anger. Not as a failure. But with clarity, care, and as much dignity as possible.

Because the goal of therapy isn’t always to preserve a relationship at all costs. The goal is to support people in moving toward truth. To help them listen deeply to themselves and each other. To explore what’s working, what’s hurting, and what’s no longer sustainable.

We’re also doing the work of moving away from an antiquated belief system—the one that says couples should stay together no matter what. That longevity equals success. That commitment means never letting go. These ideas, while often well-intentioned, can keep people trapped in dynamics that are painful, disconnected, or even harmful. Sometimes, choosing to end a relationship is not a sign of giving up—it’s a sign of growth, of self-respect, and of understanding that love alone isn’t always enough to make something work.

And sometimes, what we find is that the healthiest choice isn’t staying—it’s leaving. Sometimes, growth means realizing that love exists, but it’s not enough. Or that people have changed in ways that make the relationship no longer a fit. Or that the cost of staying is too high for one or both people to keep paying.

In those moments, my role shifts. I become a guide through a different kind of process—grieving what was, honoring what was built, and, when possible, creating a compassionate path forward.

I’ve witnessed endings that were full of pain, yes—but also relief. Even peace. Endings where people walked away with more self-respect, more understanding, and sometimes, more kindness than they had when they were still together.

So no, I don’t see it as a failure when a relationship ends in therapy. I see it as a form of success when two people are brave enough to look at the truth and make decisions rooted in respect—for themselves and each other.

Relationships don’t only have value if they last forever. Some of the most meaningful connections we have teach us what we need to know for the next season of our lives. And sometimes, letting go is one of the most loving choices we can make.