In recent years, ethical non-monogamy (ENM) has gained more visibility as people explore relationship structures that don’t follow traditional monogamous norms. While the concept may be empowering and fulfilling for many, it's still often misunderstood. Misinformation and stereotypes about ENM can create confusion and even judgment toward those who practice it.

In this post, we’ll address some of the most common myths about ethical non-monogamy and set the record straight on what this relationship style is really all about.

1. "Ethical non-monogamy is just an excuse for cheating"

One of the biggest misconceptions about ENM is that it’s just a way to justify cheating. However, ethical non-monogamy is based on openness, transparency, and mutual consent between all parties involved. In ENM, there’s a clear agreement that all individuals are aware of and accept the dynamics of the relationship, which contrasts sharply with the deception and secrecy associated with cheating.

People in ENM relationships engage in open and honest communication about boundaries, desires, and expectations. Cheating, by definition, involves breaking trust and betraying a partner’s agreed-upon expectations. ENM, on the other hand, is about creating new agreements that work for everyone involved—sometimes even renegotiating boundaries as the relationship evolves.

2. "People who practice ENM are just looking for sex"

While some people may practice ENM primarily for sexual variety, that’s not the case for everyone. Ethical non-monogamy can take many forms—some people may pursue multiple romantic relationships, some may engage in casual sex, and others may explore emotional connections outside of their primary relationship.

The common thread, however, is that all parties are actively choosing this structure and are focused on maintaining healthy communication and respect. For some, ENM is about deep emotional connection with multiple people, not just sexual exploration. It can also be a way to find different kinds of intimacy that complement each other rather than replace one another.

3. "Non-monogamous people are afraid of commitment"

Another myth about ethical non-monogamy is that people who practice it are afraid of commitment or incapable of maintaining a committed relationship. In reality, many people in ENM relationships have deep, committed bonds—sometimes with multiple partners—built on mutual respect and trust. They prioritize communication, emotional connection, and the growth of each individual relationship.

Being in an ethical non-monogamous relationship doesn’t mean that one is unwilling to commit; rather, it often reflects a desire to engage with relationships in a way that aligns with personal values. For many people, practicing ENM allows them to build long-term commitments with multiple people, each relationship existing within its own dynamic and set of agreements.

4. "ENM is only for young people and they’ll grow out of it"

This myth assumes that ethical non-monogamy is a trend for the younger generation or something that people "grow out of" as they get older. In truth, ENM is practiced by people of all ages, backgrounds, and life stages. People enter into non-monogamous relationships for many reasons, including a desire for more authentic connections or because it simply works better for them as individuals.

As societal norms around relationships evolve, more people—regardless of age—are exploring non-monogamy as a valid and fulfilling option. For some, it’s a way to stay true to their evolving desires throughout different phases of life.

5. "ENM leads to jealousy and insecurity"

Jealousy and insecurity are natural emotions that anyone can feel, regardless of their relationship structure. What differentiates people in ethical non-monogamous relationships is how they manage and communicate those feelings.

In ENM, there’s often an emphasis on acknowledging jealousy when it arises and using it as an opportunity to communicate openly about needs, insecurities, and desires. By addressing jealousy constructively, people in ENM relationships can build trust and better understand each other’s boundaries. It’s not about eliminating jealousy and insecurity entirely, but about handling it in healthy, productive ways.

6. "ENM is too complicated and doesn’t work long-term"

While it’s true that ENM relationships require a great deal of effort—especially when it comes to communication, scheduling, and navigating emotions—many people find them to be sustainable and deeply fulfilling. In fact, the open communication required in ENM can help build stronger relationships and increase emotional intimacy.

It’s also worth noting that the definition of "working long-term" is subjective. For some people, monogamy doesn’t "work" because it doesn’t meet all their needs, and they feel more fulfilled in a non-monogamous structure. For others, ENM may evolve over time, with boundaries shifting and relationships changing, but that’s part of any relationship dynamic—monogamous or non-monogamous.

7. “ENM is unnatural and goes against human nature”

The idea of monogamy as the "natural" state for humans is a social construct influenced by cultural norms and historical contexts. Human relationships have always been diverse, and various cultures throughout history have embraced non-monogamous practices. ENM simply acknowledges and celebrates that diversity.

Conclusion

Ethical non-monogamy is a legitimate relationship style that works for many people, but it is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Like any relationship structure, ENM requires strong communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to grow and adapt. By debunking these myths, we can help create a more understanding and inclusive environment for people exploring all types of relationships, whether monogamous or non-monogamous.

If you’re considering ethical non-monogamy or just curious to learn more, remember that it’s not about fitting into a specific mold, It’s about finding what works best for you and your partners.